My Shadows - Your Borderline

Look at the stars! Roll onto your back in the cold night, all alone and look up....
Into the heavens....
Stare into the face of the night...
Into it's thousands of eyes....
Let go!
Lose yourself!
And see...
...into your very soul's depths.
See your life like never before, so clearly now! Everything wrong with it!
Everything RIGHT with it! What to do and what NOT to do... Your future, your past and present, all in one place. Right above your head, when there is no one to talk to and you can feel nothing. That's when you can see truth and lie alike, in harmony and balance, in beauty and ugliness akin to glory and passion aflame within your heart, now and forever engraved in your mind.

Because the pictures you can find are from your own head, they are nothing more than thoughts unseen that realise themselves from the deepest of corners once the shining stars release them so that you too may shine!

Some have said that the stars are a Mirror To The Soul. I have gazed upon them and seen that for me at least, this is true.

More stars than all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world - FACT.
So...how can you not see what you need to see when your subconscious mind stares up at them?

Image: Google: "Stars"

Is it worth wearing armour if no one can see the real you inside of it?
Is it worth hiding yourself from the world to protect yourself?
Is it worth hiding yourself from the world to protect the world?
Is it worth having no chink, no weakness in your armour if you will be trapped in it?


I turn away and peer into the mists. Decided at last, I turn back and slowly begin to put my armour back on...but it's an armour of a different colour to the last. An much more stylish =P

Love this song!

You know who you can be.
You know what you were.
Perhaps you even have a pretty good idea of what you will be...
but very few people know just who they are.

You feel confused.
Lost.
Alone.

You don't know where to turn.
You know where you want to turn, but you don't know how or even if you can.

Confused.
Lost.
Alone.

Well, there's really no choice.
You just have to keep going.
Keep trying.
Live, breath, walk, talk.

But you're never REALLY alone.
Or Lost.
Or even confused.

Just unsure of yourself and standing on shaky ground.
But if you open your eyes you'll find that there's a hand there that will help pull you to firm ground, off you rocky precipe, off the thing ice upon which you stand.

Maybe not the hand you expected. Maybe a shaky hand. But it's stilll there, nonetheless. Maybe you don't need it. Maybe you do.

Who knows? Maybe no one really does.
Maybe you just have to take a chance.
And find out for yourself.

Confused.
Lost.
But not quite alone.

So: a gigantic flattened mountaintop; with a dark swirling maelstrom of thunderclouds overhead, lit by flashes of lightning every few seconds. The wind howls like a demented pack of wolves and dust is whipped up in whirling dervishes, in time with the lightning and deep rolls and booms of thunder. There is no rain. There is simply a sense of expectation, of things yet to happen. The air is charged with static electricity and it is heavy with heat, heat like the sort you'd get on a summer's eveining in the Mediterannean, after the blanket of night has been draped over the stifling day and the very stones beneath your feet radiate the heat they have accumulated throughout the day. The blistering heat of the day meets the chill of the night. The time in between times, that twilight shadow where time stands still and where heat meets chill...

And on this mountain plateau, standing there in the mddle of the swirling vortex above, buffetted by the strong winds, barely visible amongst the dust whirling around him, but still standing tall, is a figure.

My heart.

Well, I've been thinking about writing an article about myself for some time now, but I could never find the time to do so... I decided to make a start anyway, so here it is, started and a long way to being finished:


16/02/07

Hi. My name is Paul Andrew Dunne. It's just a name, but it's my label. I'm stuck with it. I don't particularly like my name and I'm not sure why. I don't know if there are any names out there I like more or that I would rather have. It probably sounds weird, but I don't like having a name, or an identity. I just want to be. I want to be me, whoever that is. And when you have a name and a family, there are always expectations. I don't know if I can live up to expectations, or even if I want to. I want to be completely FREE of who people think I am and just be who I can be. Okay..enough of that, I'll point out the main facts about me now.

I'm 15 years old. I was born on March the 25th, 1991, in Luxembourg. I'm Irish because both my parents are Irish and I have an Irish passport. My earliest memories are of growing up as a young kid in Luxembourg, but like most early memories, only certain parts stick and others are hazy. I can remember well the second house I lived in, and every detail of the garden, with all my secret nooks and crannies. I can remember the Daffodils and yellow of the Spring, the Strawberries and heat of the Summer, the Bare Trees and emptiness of the Autumn, and the beauty and fun of the Snow in the Winter... I remember too the preschool I used to go to and the french school I went to after that. I could speak french fluently then! Better than I can now...I totally lost all confidence and faith in my ability to speak french after I left Luxembourg! Anyway, I can remember that school well.

After that I remember going to the Maternelle in the European school. I only arrived in the second year of Maternelle, but I can remember EVERYTHING from that year. I remember the stories we read, the maths problems we solved, the teacher, the pirate lego models with no instructions, the playground, halloween, christmas, birthdays...actually I lied about my memory: I can't remember, no matter how hard I try, the other people and my old friends. I have vague..ideas..in my head about friendships and the like. But though I can remember pretty well who I kept company with and most of their names, their faces elude me and they are nothing more than ideas, not even real memories anymore!!! I know I was very good friends with many people who are still in the school today...I cried and cried when we left Luxembourg. I remember my mum looking around in the car the day we left, asking what was I ok.

I remember the pain, the suffering I went through. I can still feel it, hidden deep inside of me, buried beneath so many other things -but it is a fresh as the day I left Lux and I do not think it will ever go. Forgotten and grown used to, but hurt is hurt and always will be. Leaving Lux and moving to Ireland turned me hard inside. I became very shy anlead I had been a bit shy before. I learned to look at everything from a distance, without letting emotions get the better of logic and reasoning. I did not make friends easily, but when I did they were tight friends, trustworthy and true to the core. I was a bit of a loner, preffering the silence and the beauty of the world around me to the local routines of the people I met. But eventually of course my heart warmed up and I began to fit in, even if I thought the things that people got wrapped up in were pointless and silly, petty and insignificant, the kids world and the adults world - neither really wroked for me. I was, at the end of it all, just a kid so pretty soon I was as wrapped up in Pokémon cards as anyone else at my school.

I made some fantastic friends. The memories of Luxembourg slowly faded away and I settled into a very comfortable routine and life. Then...we moved back to Luxembourg. I cried my heart out. I had really settled in Ireland, I had blocked out the memories of Lux, made new friends and now it was happening all over again. Worse yet, no one in Lux remembered me, or was the same anymore. Same names, yet different faces and different people. I could remember the places in Lux, but it was all twisted memories...

Some fish weren't born to fly.......